Queue of Frustration

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Due to my strong personal convictions, I wish to stress that this blog in no way endorses a belief in the occult. – TouchedbyCokeNinja


I’m sorry if this blog sucks. I’ve been trying to find out a way to make the blog more trendy, but realized the new cool thing was to be six-feet-under. Ironically, I have an extreme allergy to both death and popularity.

Why are people so obsessed with dead celebrities? With all the hub-bub over people after the fact, its no wonder millions contemplate suicide each year.

From Elvis Presley (who apparently spawned millions of clones upon his last breath) to Heath Ledger (who’s career didn’t officially start until the coroner filed his report), folks love them some dead people.

Case in point: Michael Jackson

The man hasn’t been dead but a few months and the guy already has a “new” single and a movie coming out. He is apparently “touching the lives” of millions of people after having not touched anyone over the age of 12 in the last 10 years.

Humans all over the world have been doing the Thriller dance in hopes that the zombified remains of their hero would join them in their grim necromantic ritual. Stranger yet, Billy Jean, evidently, really is his son and, as it turns out, is a witch doctor capable of bringing the dead back to life.

Oh, and get used to the Thriller zombie being the common theme at your Halloween party this year.

Unfortunately, the fervor over the non-living doesn’t stop at the gates of Neverland Ranch. We now have History Channel shows dedicated to what famous dead people really looked like. Even Facebook has stated it is going to enshrine individuals’ profile pages after they die.

With growing unemployment, I wouldn’t be surprised to see people offer celebrities the chance to be killed for a small fee. Seeing as it will only help the pop wonders make even more money off of rabid fans ( albeit posthumously), Celebrity Executioner might actually become a worthwhile profession until the number of living celebrities takes a dip.

Call me unphased by the idea of the popular dead. But, then again, Jackson’s Ultra-Smooth-Zombie-Dance-Form would probably say that I’m “ignorant” and full of “hurtful words…”

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but Fox News will never hurt me.

In an amazing show of self-confidence, Orwellian Wonderpuss Nancy Pelosi stated on Keith Olberman’s commentary show on MSNBC recently that she was bringing a bill before Congress that would prevent the Fox News Channel from covering Congressional Sessions or even mentioning Congress all together. Apparently she doesn’t like the opposition getting to voice their opinions, regardless of whether they are right or wrong. “That Fox regularly grants access to Republican Congressman to spread their lies and propaganda on their airwaves is a violation of the public trust... They should thus be stripped of their journalistic access in the halls of Congress,” Pelosi ranted.

So, silence them for presenting views contrary to yours. Wait, who's the propaganda machine? I'm confused.

I guess it makes sense considering White House Communications Director Anita Dunn’s personal heroes are Mother Teresa and… Mao Tse-Tung???? It seems our fine friends in the current administration have resorted to the Daily Show method of news coverage: “When news breaks, we fix it.”

That’s just wrong, man. Like, forcing-Dan-Quayle-to-spell-potato wrong.

While we are politicking it up, you might like to know former president George W. Bush, after having finished his maximum second term in January, is doing just fine and is fulfilling his life’s destiny as a… motivational speaker? Yep, he is tearing up the moti-scene giving advice to people at conferences across the country. I guess it should come as no surprise. We are talking about a guy who motivated his political base to keep him in office in 2004. So, we at least know he’s better than his father.

I hear that, for just $5, you can have him pep talk your kindergartner… “Don’t wurry, Timmy. I can’t pronuncify that word eether.”

“There is no ‘I’ in ‘Team,’ but there is a ‘We’ in ‘Weapon.’”

Where are the great throwback costumes for Halloween this year?

There are tons of Transformer costumes from the new movies, but what about the originals and other Old School robotics?

I’m still waiting for a feasible Voltron costume. And not a single person costume either. No, I want to see five people be the four appendages and torso. Bonus points if they can join together.

Also, It has the added bonus of being the best costume idea for quadriplegics. They have the upside of going to a Halloween party as unfinished Voltron. They could just tell everyone they’re waiting for the other four lions to get there.

“You see? You just can't trust anyone. The first girl I let into my life and she tries to eat me.”

Anyone see Zombie Strippers? Anyone? Didn’t think so. Somehow, the thought of seeing a movie where soulless women live off of men they seductively lure in is not that appealing as a work of fiction.

Zombieland, on the other hand, will put laughter in your heart and your girlfriend/fiancé/wife in your lap… a rewarding film if you ask me.  It definitely has my vote for best zombie film ever. Anytime you can pull off a cameo like [SPOILER CENSORED] in there, you have an amazing formula.

I’m here to kick ass and chew bubble gum… and I’m all out of gum.

It’s Halloween folks. If you’re not blasting away at zombies on your gaming console, then get out and scare the living day lights out of some children. Their psyches are easier to manipulate than a Wii-mote.

I’m sorry if this blog sucked. I was going to declare the H1N1 Virus as a Blogwide Emergency, but then I realized it was Halloween and not April Fool’s Day.